


Letting Go

by Inuy21



Series: Fenris/Garrett Hawke [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Blue-Purple Hawke, Body Appreciation, Break Up, M/M, Reminiscing, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 12:25:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10967184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inuy21/pseuds/Inuy21
Summary: After a spontaneous evening together, Hawke realizes how difficult it is to let the one you love go.





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't quite satisfied with the break scene in-game...especially the final dialogue options just before Fenris leaves. So I decided to fix it for my own headcanon. 
> 
> My Hawke is a mix of Blue and Purple...mostly Purple, but I always see him as being more sober in extremely serious situations.

There was movement. Hawke lay as still as possible, waiting. He was usually a deep sleeper, not a care in the world, but tonight was different. It had been quite some time since he’d shared a bed with anyone and the small amount of shifting caused his mind to snap to attention. 

Cool fingers jolted his senses, making him groan and in turn causing the owner of those fingers to hesitate. The fingers rubbed and soothed before holding the arm aside so the body beneath could move away. Hawke’s hand was then placed gently back on the bed, his fingers curling around the warmth of the sheet now underneath them. 

A slight frown furrowed Hawke’s brows and wrinkled his nose as he felt Fenris pause just out of reach. There was a moment of curiosity as he wondered if Fenris was watching him sleep. He wanted to ask the elf where he was going, if he was leaving, but Hawke kept his eyes and mouth shut for once in his damned life. 

He had known how much this night had meant—and cost—to Fenris. So Hawke just continued to lie there, doing his best to control his breathing even as he felt and heard Fenris slip further away. The sheets rustled then lifted, a waft of cool air slipping underneath before the covering fell back into place as the body left the bed. Hawke cracked an eye, catching a glance of Fenris’ naked back. 

A tattooed arm rose, bringing a hand up to massage the back of its owner’s neck and a soft sigh escaped into the quiet room. Hawke closed his eye, mind racing, trying to find a way to get Fenris to stay. Oh he knew it would be a futile effort, but he didn’t want things to end just as they were starting. 

When the mattress dipped again, Hawke almost gave himself away. His heart raced in anticipation but he forced his eyes to remain closed and his breathing to stay relaxed until he realized that Fenris wasn’t coming back to join him in bed. 

So he cracked an eye open again to find the elf slouching at the edge of the bed, a hand ruffling white hair. Hawke knew how soft it felt now, and he was a little mesmerized as he watched strands slide over Fenris’ fingers. Hawke open the other eye and let his gaze linger down Fenris’ broad back to leaner waist and hips, memorizing the muscles and the pale markings that stood out against dark skin. 

He remembered the odd texture of smooth skin interspersed with scar tissue under his heated touches. Fenris’ surprised reactions at the skin-to-skin contact. Hawke almost choked as a lump of emotion crawled up his throat. The evening had been full of revelations for both of them as Garrett reflected that he hadn’t meant to become so attached. 

Hawke wanted to laugh out loud at that thought but only a let smile grace his lips. He had fallen head over heels for Fenris as soon as he had heard the elf’s voice. Then he had watched in awe as Fenris’ glowing hand had phased through the Tevinter slaver’s chest. It had been a weird and terribly arousing moment in Hawke’s life. 

Garrett squeezed his eyes closed a little tighter, causing spots to form and fade behind his eyelids. Fenris was leaving and here he was reminiscing. Shit! It would be all that was left for him at this point. Of course Hawke didn’t know for certain if Fenris was truly leaving him. 

When the rustling of clothing and pieces of armor assaulted Hawke’s ears, though, it was hard to stay positive. “Fen?” he managed to call out in a sleep-strained voice. 

The room became quiet for a heartbeat then there was movement closer to Hawke’s side of the bed. Garrett turned on his back and opened his eyes, watching as a fully-clothed Fenris paced toward the blazing fireplace. Hawke’s heart kicked up a notch, worried and displeased all at once. 

Yet all Hawke could think to say was, “was it really that bad?”

He could only sit and watch as Fenris stumbled over his words, apologizing and praising. Hawke knew it had been too much, too soon, but instead he been greedy. Oh he been sure to take his time, to make sure that Fenris was okay with everything that had happened between them, but there had been more happening on Fenris’ end than Garrett could have imagined. 

“I began to remember. My life before. Just flashes…” Fenris continued to pace in front of the fire, head down and eyes averted. 

Hawke’s breath caught in his throat. Even he felt a bit unclean at the confession. Had Fenris said something, anything in the moment he would have stopped. 

“It’s too much. This is too fast. I cannot…do this,” Fenris choked out as he finally looked at Hawke, unsure of how what kind of reaction he was about to receive. 

“You remembered?” Garrett was perhaps a bit too fast and loud with the question, but Fenris didn’t seem too upset at the outburst. 

“There were…faces…words.” Fenris paused to recollect the memories that had passed through his mind but were now gone, a hand rising to rub at his forehead. “Just for a moment I could recall all of it. Then it slipped away.”

The room grew quiet again. Fenris waited for a response as Hawke cursed silently. When another minute slipped by without a word spoken between them, Fenris shifted to leave. 

“Fen, wait.” Hawke stretched a hand out, as if the gesture might pull his lover back into his arms. Of course it could just as well have the opposite effect at this point. 

Fenris turned eyes half-downcast. “I should go; I’ve wasted enough of your time.” His feet shuffled on the carpet, his mind screaming to get away from Hawke, but there was a sliver of empathy that kept him rooted. 

Garrett scoffed, causing Fenris to raise his head and give the man a puzzled a look. There was a heartbeat of silence as their gazes met, Fenris anticipating the usual half-hearted jibe that Hawke so loved to dish out. 

“You’re welcome to waste my time whenever you want, Fenris.” A hand lifted to scratch at the back of his neck before it plowed through the back of his disheveled hair. “I’m not, ah, very good at this sort of thing.” It was more taxing then he thought it would be. What was Hawke to say when he wanted Fenris to stay but knew it was best to let him go for now? When his mouth fell open to say something…anything…Fenris held up his hand. 

“You don’t have to say anything, Hawke.” Fenris didn’t need or want to hear Hawke’s apologies or excuses. He just needed to leave before one of them said something irrevocable. 

Hawke pushed himself off the bed, causing Fenris to freeze on the balls of feet. “I don’t want this to end on a bad note, Fenris.” A hand ruffled through his hair, frustrated and holding back the urge to reach out again. 

Fenris cocked his head, emotions unreadable. “That’s why I’m leaving. To prevent either of us from hurting the other.” His body relaxed a fraction, even though his nerves were still strung tight. 

With a sigh, Hawke said, “Look, I just…If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask. We’re still friends, yeah?”

A corner of Fenris’ mouth curled up before flattening again. “Of course. You’ll still need me for jobs, won’t you?”

Hawke smiled, a bit sheepishly. “True. I still owe you reading lessons, too.” The prospect calmed Hawke, knowing that he and Fenris would still be able to spend time together. It would be torture, but Hawke would endure it for the sake of his friend. 

Fenris gave a slight nod, even as his heart leapt in his chest. “That you do, if it won’t be too much trouble for you.”

Garrett shook his head. “Never, Fen. Just let me know when you’d like to continue and I’ll be over.”

With another nod from Fenris, the room became quiet as both men stared at each other. Then with unwavering steps Fenris turned and left the room while Garrett kept his toes curled in the carpet.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments/critiques are always welcome ^_^


End file.
